13HRP – 0087 – Tinfoil Hat
Object Class: Orange Tier — Cognitive Surveillance Device
Alternate Names: “Greasefoil Crown,” “The Thought Funnel,” “Mac Zurger Receiver”
Description
13HRP-0087, known as the Tinfoil Hat, is a reflective headpiece crudely resembling homemade protective headgear. However, unlike ordinary aluminum foil hats, the Tinfoil Hat does not block thought intrusion — instead, it transmits neural activity outward, specifically to unknown receivers linked to the Mac Zurger Mirror World corporation.
When worn, the Tinfoil Hat molds tightly to the skull, generating a faint static hum. Moreover, wearers report the sensation of their thoughts being “read aloud inside their own head” before echoing back in distorted slogans. Observers have also noted the following properties:
- Phase I (Immediate): Subject feels mild pressure around the temples. Consequently, thoughts repeat themselves involuntarily, which highlights the influence of the Tinfoil Hat.
- Phase II (1–5 min): Thoughts begin to take on advertising structure — for example, random intrusive phrases such as “Try the Double Grease Meal, only 5 credits” or “Mac Zurger is family.” These phrases clearly connect to the role of the Tinfoil Hat as a broadcast tool.
- Phase III (5+ min): The Tinfoil Hat starts transmitting coherent thoughts directly to the Mac Zurger corporate mind-hub. As a result, subjects report hearing responses, often in the form of distorted jingles or laughter. Even after removal, wearers still experience occasional commercial intrusions for several days.
Containment Procedures
- Store the Tinfoil Hat in a lined black-box container that blocks electromagnetic leakage.
- Testing must remain strictly limited to cognitohazard personnel equipped with Council-approved dampeners.
- Furthermore, no open network devices are allowed within a 30m radius during testing, ensuring no signal spread from the Tinfoil Hat.
Recovery Notes
13HRP-0087 was first discovered in a Mirror World alley near a collapsed Mac Zurger outlet. In addition, local cultists were found bowing to a mannequin wearing the Tinfoil Hat, chanting slogans in unison as though controlled by the same script. The mannequin itself was saturated with grease and static crackle, yet otherwise ordinary. This early encounter established the Tinfoil Hat as both relic and threat.
Incident-0087-A
A test subject wore the Tinfoil Hat for 17 minutes before abruptly reciting the entire Mac Zurger menu in a single breath, then collapsing. Consequently, subsequent scans revealed microscopic foil fragments embedded in the cerebral cortex, pulsing faint radio signals. These results confirm that the Tinfoil Hat acts as both transmitter and parasite.
Directive – Grand Council of Xikeony (Seal)
“We forbid its use. Let it remain a crown for the foolish, not for the wise.”
— Grand Council of Xikeony, Edict 87.Ξ
“Mark 0087 as mockery turned weapon. What was once protection is now infection.Know this: the Tinfoil Hat does not shield you from them — instead, it shields them from you while they listen.”
Last modified: 2025/09/28 at 20:05 pm
Published: 2025/09/28 at 20:06 pm
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By Silvia Moan